Self-Portrait

Pixelated and skewed you see me.
Like literature, this picture is up to individual interpretation
for there is no right answer
but, even if you lifted the layers
and unplastered this paper-mâchéd facade,
you couldn't decipher the dimensions of
who I am
and who can?
When role-playing becomes reality
and we grasp onto someone else in losing ourselves
where do we go to be found in the first place?
We find comfort in categories
and clarity in binaries
and the divide widens to what would seem to be truth,
but is more truthfully hypocrisy,
and if it's worded prettily, we'll quote it directly
so we use our words carelessly-
I mean, carefully.
And what complex creatures we are-
to be one thing and a simultaneous contradiction
it's like we're straddling identity lines in fear of which side will strike first
the ones our heart calls for, or that others call us to be
it's all quite confusing when you look at it.
But maybe that's why first impressions are so full of fallacy
the eyes playing tricks on the mind on the masses
we've become so accustomed to trusting attractive appearances
and so ignorant of appreciating qualities that matter more
but we can barely blame ourselves...
But we have to,
at some point.
For it's when we keep looking to others to explain just how
fucked up some of our own thinking is
that we truly lose face.
When we truly lose sight of who we are
or,
at least,
who we want to become.
And you're standing at the mirror now.
A portrait of a person painfully painting the picture of someone you're not,
and though it's not a complete forger
not entirely an illusion
and there are parts of the real you underneath that seep through,
you've been buried somewhere so far below since birth
even you can barely notice that
you're actually
an original.
Sometimes your words will spill out onto your shirt
in an unflattering shade
and your lips won't move quite the way the other's ears are perched for
but that's the point of discussion-
it's not always about being agreeable.
But never believe you have it all figured out either
because that's the kind of confidence that truly kills
and stunts the stilts on which you work towards
So sip on words and eat books for breakfast
don't rest until you've exhausted every avenue to walk through
and then move the way you've always wished to
say the things that stir up steam-
find meaning in the search for yourself.
And this includes making mistakes
and feeling like a complete ass
only to learn, and to fail, and then
to fail better.
And, yes, we all play a part.
Even as I stand up here, knowing and realizing there's no other way than being judged
I ask that you challenge every thought in your head and its origin.
Admit just how inaccurate you likely are and find comfort that
it's not about being right.
It's about being conscious.